The Depressed therapist

What if I told you, that you can graduate with a master degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling, top of your class? What if I told you that you can counsel many people from all walks of life? What if I told you that you can be that person who speaks at conferences about mental health? What if I told you that you can be that person that everyone comes to when they have an issues, and guess what? Still be depressed.

Well, this is me and it`s my story. I`m a licensed therapist, so I think that I know a thing or two about depression. However, when it hit me back in January of 2020, I had no idea what to do. You`re probably wondering, what, but you’re a therapist and you do this for a living. Yes, I am, and that`s exactly how depression works. It makes you forget who you are, your goals, your aspirations, your purpose, your skills, and it makes you feel, helpless, hopeless, isolative, and defeated.

I remember lying in bed one Saturday morning and telling God, " I don`t see myself making it from day to day". That was my lowest point and I had no idea where the depression came from, but I knew that I had it. After some much needed help from a fellow therapist and deep soul searching I realized that my depression stemmed from not being where I wanted to be in life. You`re probably saying, but girl, you`re a therapist with a promising future, you speak at seminars, you`re successful, what more do you want out of life?

Well, that`s just it, I wanted a life. I was alive, yes, but to me, I wasn`t living. There were things that I was sure I would have by the time I turned 30, like a husband and children, and I had neither, not even a prospect in sight, and 30 was swiftly approaching. I allowed my lack of, to make me forget everything that I had accomplished by the age of 30. So what was my solution you might ask?

If i`m honest, I prayed my way out of it, I know, how cliché`, but it`s true! I combated my depressive symptoms with scripture along with much need help from a fellow therapist and deep soul searching. Plainly put, I did my work! Life is a continual cycle of work and I came to the realization that if my lack of a husband and children, placed me in a depression, then perhaps I was not as ready for them as I thought that I was. You all are probably like "alright Tynisha, now you`re reach"! Hear me out! I should never put so much effort into accomplishing any entity of my life, that when it not accomplished it places me in a depression, especially, If I am a Christian. Disappointment, yes, understood, but depression, no! It`s not healthy, that means that I based my existence on being a wife and mother, when God has called me to do so much more! It also meant that I was living by my own personal time line and not by God`s.

So now, I`m at a place of peace, do I still desire to be a wife and mother absolutely, without a doubt, but I understand now, that my life is not my own. When the time is right, God will do it! Until then, I will continue to live in the purpose and time line that God has given me.

Today, I urge you to think about what you are allowing to get you down and change your perspective on that very situation. Always remember that God has not and will never forget you, after all, his word promises it.

Isaiah 49:14-16